His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
