If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
