Kiss
Puke
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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