I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
