We won't sleep together?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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