i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
