So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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