I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
