I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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