can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
