Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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