I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Still dying that you shit outside
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
