I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
