How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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