Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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