i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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