I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
