I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
