i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
