How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
