I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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