There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
