i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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