areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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