i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize