I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
