Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
