she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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