There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I did not marry a roomba.
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