Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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