I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
