so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
