what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
