Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
