Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
