My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
