I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
