hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
