she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
