I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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