is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
