I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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