If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
