Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
