You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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