dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
