i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a beard to bite.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
