So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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