I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
