You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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