He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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