Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
