i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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