I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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