i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
