someone get that fucking seahorse.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
