Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
