Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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