Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my shit smells like andre
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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