Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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