I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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