If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
