Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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