butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
