david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
