I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
