Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize