I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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