carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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