walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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