SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
