bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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