He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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