OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
