2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
